Halloween is coming!

This is something I like to post every year, just as a reminder.  You wouldn’t believe how many dirty looks we get when we, as adults, walk up to the door with the other kids, while our wheelchair bound son is staying on the sidewalk.  Some people have even said very rude things.  People need to realize that not every child is the same.  IMG_9634

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Yes, I said it, I hate you!  I have always been one to say I don’t hate anyone, but there is this one person, thing, problem, issue, whatever you may want to call it, that I DESPISE, HATE, LOATHE, Can’t stand, and so many more words that describe hate, and that is ANXIETY!

As I sit here typing this, I am currently experiencing this horrible thing.  I am not going to type the word anymore, or look at the word anymore, or even think of the word anymore until it’s GONE!!!

Just sitting here, reading and taking notes, and even doing some writing as you’ve seen in the past few hours.  Watching the last season of the original 90210 on Hulu on my phone, drinking some ginger ale, some orange juice, munching on dry multi-grain Cheerios, looking across the table at Jacob sitting here with his headphones on, watching something on his computer.  In the next room I see Isabella’s television playing the Disney channel and it looks like Tangled but it’s a cartoon.  My heart is racing, I feel hot, overwhelmed, shaky, nervous, and it SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!

So now I am going to get up, move around, and get rid of some of this adrenaline.  I am not clicking publish yet, because I want you all to know that it does end, and I’d like to know how long it lasts.  It feels like hours to me….. let’s see how long it really is… It is now 10:51 a.m…………….. BRB

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Ok, so at 11:21 a.m., and maybe a few minutes earlier I started to feel more normal, hungry, tired, but not nervous anymore.  My muscles in my shoulders felt a little tense, and I still felt somewhat hot and shaky.  So I made me some lunch and the kids lunch too.  I also washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen.  Got Damian cleaned up,  I ate, and all with my Carole King playing in the background on my phone.

Now I am back to reading my school assignments for the upcoming week, playing 90210’s final season on Hulu on my phone, and I am full, and feeling normal.

If you know anyone that suffers from anxiety, please try to put yourself in their shoes, it’s not all in their head, and if it is, it still SUCKS!

Thank you for reading this, hope you have a blessed day!

So today I begin working on week 5 of my schooling, working towards my degree in Graphic Design and Media Arts.  That means I have finished half of my first term, which is amazing.  Time is flying by so fast.  I just hope that all the terms up until my degree go this smoothly.

I am excited every time I sit down to take notes, read an assignment, or even just look at my books.  I was nervous, going back to college at the age of 41, but I realized, I have much time left to get my degree, and then pursue a career in the field I’ve always been interested in.

So if you ever think it’s too late, it’s NOT!  Go back to school, get a degree, the more you learn the smarter you are.

Fall is my favorite season.

I love the way the leaves feel crunching under your feet as you walk.

I love the sites and sounds around Salem during this time, as it’s a huge October attraction for tourists.

I love the fresh, crisp smell in the air.

I love pumpkins, pumpkin spice, and all the goodies of the fall.

I enjoy sitting next to the window with it opened a little to feel the fresh cool breeze as I sit here writing this.

I love the fact that in a few weeks The Walking Dead will be back on, and I hope they kick Negan’s butt!

All in all, I just LOVE Fall!

Just the other morning we woke up to the news of Hugh Hefner passing, may he rest in peace.  I opened up our IG on my phone to post something about his passing.  I noticed there was a DM, and of course I checked it.  The DM was a screen shot of a post about a dear friend of ours and their passing.  The person was asking if we could confirm our friends death.  Needless to say, this was a very hard way to find out you’ve lost someone close to you.

Sal, aka SteadyDrippin, was not only a friend, he was family to us.  Not even a few weeks ago he was here at our house, hanging out, and even cutting all of our hair.  He was the best Master Barber I’ve ever met.  I loved his hugs so much, and can’t believe that when he left that day, it was the last hug I’d ever receive from him.  I have so many great memories of Sal and our friendship.  He leaves behind 3 beautiful children, and I cry every time I think of them having to go through life without their daddy.  God bless them, the family, and may you rest well in Heaven.  We love and miss you so much Sal!

This has really opened up my eyes to the fact that no one is promised tomorrow.  Sal was only 36, younger than me, and he is gone.  Please cherish your friends and family, no matter what!  You never know if they will be here tomorrow.

Scientology

I am just going to leave this here, but never fear, I have a lot to say about it. I’ve just got to put my words together.

So today is the end of another week, the third week of school online for both twins and me.  Time seems to be flying by so quickly.  I am enjoying the leaves beginning to fall from the trees, the coolness in the air, and all of the local festivities.  Ever since moving up here, Fall has become my favorite season.

All of us have caught an awful cold from each other.  So needless to say, this has been a pretty rough weekend in our house.  Hoping we can all get back to feeling better, and enjoy October, as it is upon us.

Hope everyone had a blessed day and have a more blessed evening.  Thank you for taking the time to visit our blog, and read my pointless writing.  Now time to go get Damian in the tub for a bath, then to bed, and then hopefully relax a bit.

So if you watched this season of Big Brother, you probably know what this post is going to be about.  It is robbery that Paul didn’t win.  Paul played the best game of BB in history, and really deserved to win.  Everything he did, he did without everyone, or anyone knowing really.  The jury members, especially Alex and Jason make me sick.  I loved them both, and even voted them AFP, but what the heck?  If you are a true fan of BB you know what the game entails, and that is exactly what Paul did, and he did it perfectly.  I really think CBS and their production had more to do with this season than ever before, and it is sickening.  They have ruined a truly good show.

First they make up a new reward, “Never Have Not”, just for Raven mind you, because she couldn’t be a have not due to her medical conditions.  What a crock!  If you can’t play BB the way it needs to be played, GOODBYE!!!  No special rules for anyone, it’s just not fair.  Then to let Christmas play out the season, or rather sit out the season with a broken foot, that was a complete joke.

Then we have AFP being Cody, yeah right!  I don’t believe that many people in America would vote for such a bully.  I couldn’t even believe him and Jessica and the way they bullied people.  Yeah CBS, great idea, let’s show everyone watching your show that America loves a bully.

We cancelled our subscription to the CBS All Access and probably won’t ever watch BB again.  Sick, sick, sick 😦

Anxiety.. leave me alone! Please 🙏🏼

Many of you are familiar with the term anxiety, and maybe some of you aren’t. I had been doing a good job at managing my anxiety for quite some time now. But ever since I got sick about a month ago I’ve been struggling with it again. It sucks! I am not one that takes pills like Xanax or Valium, instead I try to cope with it on my own. I have found many ways of coping in the past. I have a huge collection of adult coloring books, pencils, and markers. Often when I started to feel anxious I’d get out a book and get myself lost in coloring. Other times I’d grab some yarn and crochet, but that one never really helped me too much. I also used to get up when I started feeling anxious and clean like crazy, but too tired for that lately.

For anyone who may not know this horrible thing called anxiety is I will try to explain how it feels from beginning to end. Now every time isn’t the same, some worse than others, but they all suck!

So first it begins as a very nervous, shaky, jumpy, fidgety feeling inside. After that the immediate feeling of needing to poop and faint hits you at the same time. Then the heart starts racing, which the feeling of it makes you more anxious, and then the feeling of fear, scared, out of breath, sick, it just washes over you in minutes that feel like hours. You pace, you breathe, you keep telling yourself you are fine, all the time feeling like you are at the end of life, the world, who knows.

I know IT SUCKS!!!!!

Another week down

So another week of school is done for both the twins and me.  The boys don’t get home until around 4, and that will be the end of their week.  I am still a little nervous about me going back to school, but I am sure with time it will get easier.  The twins are doing good and really enjoying the online school.  I really like it because it allows me to play a bigger part in their education.

As far as how I have been feeling, hmm, for the most part better.  I am constantly reminding myself to eat, even when I am not feeling so good.  It isn’t an easy road to change your eating habits, but I can tell you if it makes me feel better, 100% worth it.