Anxiety.. leave me alone! Please ūüôŹūüŹľ

Many of you are familiar with the term anxiety, and maybe some of you aren’t. I had been doing a good job at managing my anxiety for quite some time now. But ever since I got sick about a month ago I’ve been struggling with it again. It sucks! I am not one that takes pills like Xanax or Valium, instead I try to cope with it on my own. I have found many ways of coping in the past. I have a huge collection of adult coloring books, pencils, and markers. Often when I started to feel anxious I’d get out a book and get myself lost in coloring. Other times I’d grab some yarn and crochet, but that one never really helped me too much. I also used to get up when I started feeling anxious and clean like crazy, but too tired for that lately.

For anyone who may not know this horrible thing called anxiety is I will try to explain how it feels from beginning to end. Now every time isn’t the same, some worse than others, but they all suck!

So first it begins as a very nervous, shaky, jumpy, fidgety feeling inside. After that the immediate feeling of needing to poop and faint hits you at the same time. Then the heart starts racing, which the feeling of it makes you more anxious, and then the feeling of fear, scared, out of breath, sick, it just washes over you in minutes that feel like hours. You pace, you breathe, you keep telling yourself you are fine, all the time feeling like you are at the end of life, the world, who knows.

I know IT SUCKS!!!!!


Another week down

So another week of school is done for both the twins and me. ¬†The boys don’t get home until around 4, and that will be the end of their week. ¬†I am still a little nervous about me going back to school, but I am sure with time it will get easier. ¬†The twins are doing good and really enjoying the online school. ¬†I really like it because it allows me to play a bigger part in their education.

As far as how I have been feeling, hmm, for the most part better. ¬†I am constantly reminding myself to eat, even when I am not feeling so good. ¬†It isn’t an easy road to change your eating habits, but I can tell you if it makes me feel better, 100% worth it.

So ever since I got sick about a month ago we have being trying to eat better.  When I say better for me, I mean eating more, eating regularly, and eating things that my body needs.  The big hump of being sick was hard to get over, but now I am feeling better (although not 100%), and food is so good.

We have been doing a lot of grilling. ¬†I would grill every night if we could. ¬†Just grab a few fresh veggies and some meat, throw it on the grill, and it’s amazing. ¬†We use garlic generously, but it is always fresh garlic, a little salt and pepper, and then a drizzle of olive oil. ¬†That is all we do to the veggies to prep them for the grill, and obviously cut it depending on what veggie it is. ¬†Now pretty much every meat you can think of, I make the same marinade. ¬†I am not going to give away my secret refined recipe, but I can tell you it is a soy, garlic, ginger type of marinade. ¬†Oh, it’s so yummy!

A day in the life…TWCF

Good morning! ¬†I believe it’s Tuesday, but need to look at my phone to confirm that. ¬†We woke the middle school boys up at 6:30; got Damian through his morning routine and ready for the school bus; waited for the school bus for about an hour (it’s never on time for the first couple weeks or longer); set up the kitchen table for school time for the twins and I; we woke up the twins; Bella went with grandma to McDonald’s for some breakfast sandwiches (I think, lol); now here Jacob and I sit at the table and ready to start our school day.


(I plan on trying to continue this entry with more of a day in the life of TWCF)


So…. it’s now the next day and I wasn’t able to continue this blog post, so maybe another day lol…. Life!!!

The Twins & Online School

So we have officially started the second week of online school for the twins. ¬†Now they are in the fourth grade, and they both seem to love this online school. ¬†Today they actually had live class lessons with teacher and students all having camera and microphone. ¬†I love this option of being able to be more a part of their education. ¬†I would suggest any parent that has the chance to do it. ¬†Free, online, public school, why not? ¬†If you have the ability, do it, it’s a great thing. ¬†Our children are so impressionable during the elementary years. ¬†Who is better to be making impressions on them, I’d say the parents, if possible.

In the past couple years the twins went to a local public school, they loved the school and the teachers, but they both had things they didn’t like about school. ¬†Taking those things into account, as well as some other concerns, I decided to give the online public school a try. ¬†Now once they are ready to head to the middle school for 6th grade, they will have the option whether to continue online, or go to the brick and mortar school.

We’ve been teaching them photography in the area as an elective, and have many other plans for elective education. ¬†Our physical education is a trip to the YMCA on a daily basis, as well as a P.E. live class weekly. ¬†They also have a live interactive art class once a week, and they even provide some of the materials needed.

I would definitely say that this has been successful thus far. ¬†Both of them seem happier, we don’t seem as stressed, and we are getting closer as a family in the process. ¬†I think it is a win win situation for all of us involved.

First week of school…done!

I am so excited to say, that today is officially the last day of my first week of college.  I got all of my work turned in not just on time, but early.  The twins also did well for their first week of online school.  The boys only had 2 days of school, so they are off to have a full week starting tomorrow, but both are excited.  The days will be busy this week, but having the time to be a part of the twins education during the elementary years is so awesome.  Tomorrow they start their art class, and then we are headed for some exercise at the Y.  Stay tuned to our social media for updates and pics when possible.

Yes he did… lol

So, we were giving Damian his routine Sunday shower. ¬†Well about to any way, as the water wasn’t on and he was getting settled in his chair. ¬†Well I felt something wet and hot, looked over, and yes, he did, he pee’d on me. lol…. Now this happened many time when my boys were babies, even toddlers, but my 14 year old son, with multiple disabilities pee’d on me. ¬†I am laughing as I type this. ¬†Damian was so polite though, he told me “Sorry momma, pee on your pants” lol…

Facebook & Instagram down ūüôĄ

Honestly it’s not the end of the world seriously! Is it frustrating YES! Especially because we just want to comment back to people. We don’t want to flood the board with pointless posts. We post up about our family.

If you truly feel anger over it. Write them and tell them. If enough of you write in they will listen. Squeaky wheel gets the grease!

Game Of Thrones

Yes, it’s official, we are hooked! We are currently watching the last episode of the fourth season. Wow, the battle with the knights watch, OMG, that episode was amazing!

The first season I had a hard time getting through, and then there is all the sex, but yeah, it’s AWESOME!!!!

Panic Sucks

For anyone that has ever experienced anxiety and/or panic in any way understands. I just don’t get how things can go from 0 to a million in seconds. Wish there was a cure for this thing called anxiety/panic. Sadly unless you chose to take prescription medications you must learn to live and deal with it.

I’ve done pretty well for myself at finding ways to get through my anxiety when it happens. 9 out of every 10 times I can usually get myself through it and quickly. It’s that 1 time that I can’t, it’s horrible.

As you can probably figure out on your own, I just had an anxiety attack. I was really sick this time last week. The Doctor diagnosed me with norovirus. Which apparently lingers for around 3 weeks.

I’ve pretty much gotten better for the most part. I finally have an appetite again when I thought I’d never eat again. I am still having some stomach pain, which lead me to the reason why I’m writing this post altogether. Yes pain was enough to throw me into panic.

It’s better now. I’m better now. Thank you for reading this if you did. I actually wrote it hoping if not to help myself to help someone, anyone.